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Ferguson from my TL- August 18 (2/3)

All I can say is…wow. Not a good feeling. 
Officer Darren Wilson’s gofundme has more money donated than Michael Brown’s memorial fund. White privilege at it’s finest. 
I don’t usually post about stuff like this, but please share this in hopes of more people donating to Michael Brown’s family. You can find the gofundme page: here.


All I can say is…wow. Not a good feeling. 

Officer Darren Wilson’s gofundme has more money donated than Michael Brown’s memorial fund. White privilege at it’s finest. 

I don’t usually post about stuff like this, but please share this in hopes of more people donating to Michael Brown’s family. You can find the gofundme page: here.


Tonight in Ferguson, Mo. Even CNN is calling out police brutality.

We are watching history unfold. Do not stand down. Spread the word.

No justice, no peace.


Press conference on preliminary autopsy findings, conducted by Dr. Baden at the request of the Brown family.



The National Guard comes to Ferguson. Monday, August 18th.



A lot of people are coming forward about abuse today after Eddplant made another reappearance on youtube, and Alex Day defended his return in the comments. A masterpost has been floating around and slowly growing, Harry Gilliatt’s ((//Hard G//Zero//bassist outta seaqueens//whatever else you know them as)) name has been added to it and I wanna talk about the abuse from them that I experienced.

I first followed them in 2012 on instagram and tumblr and I looked up to them and thought they were real cool and everything straight away, but we didn’t start talking until 2013. I first met them at a gathering for someone’s birthday in May when I was 15 and they were 19 or nearly 19, i don’t remember. Hanging out with them irl was fun, and it was nice enough, I came home thinking “hey what a good guy!! I’d love to get closer to them” but the day after the gathering I started getting snapchats from them.

They were calling me cute and telling me I was beautiful and everything, and I was young and naive so I got really happy and excited. I enjoyed the attention, especially because I’d looked up to them for so long, and I’d never been in a relationship before either so I wasn’t used to that kind of attention. I didn’t think anything of it apart from “oh they’re really nice!!” until they started asking for nudes, telling me “[I’m] cute but [I’d] look much cuter with my shirt off”. I’d never sent nudes to anyone before so this scared me but I felt special, cos I was 15 and didn’t know what I was doing. I felt like I owed them something, and I wanted to impress them because I’d liked them and looked up to them for so long, so I did. I explicitly said that I wanted to stop a few times and they said “I just thought this would help us get to know each other better :3” and I said again I wanted to stop and they said okay.

This stopped for about a week, then I get more snapchats where the same thing would happen. But I complied most of the times it happened again because I wanted to impress them and I wanted them to like me. Some of the times when I said I didn’t really want to send any, they’d tell me how they were “lonely”, “miserable” and how they’d “cut [themselves] up real bad and fucked up [their] arms”. This went on most days until I got into my first relationship and they backed off. Come August when that relationship ended and I was vulnerable, the situation happened again. I ((stupidly)) gave into their requests cos I was like “they haven’t spoken to me in like three months I hope they don’t hate me or anything”. 

I met up with Hard G again in October, because I went to go hang out with Seaqueens, and i spent a lot of the evening on edge because I was worried something was going to happen, and I felt weird when they made me hold their hand. ((I spent a lot of the evening staying on the opposite side of the room hiding behind someone who would then go onto be my boyfriend of 6 months)).

Once I got into this relationship, they backed off again, mostly because they and the guy I was in a relationship with were really really close friends. The rest of the times we met up while I was in a relationship nothing happened and I wasn’t worried ((due to the fact that whenever we hung out, my boyfriend at the time was also there))

When he and I broke up, they began to speak to me again. I was worried that they were gonna try and solicit nudes from me again but they didn’t at first. They comforted me through my breakup and we spoke everyday for a while without any sign that they were gonna pressure nudes outta me and I felt safe. But soon enough it happened again, more frequently than any of the times in 2013. I’m not sure why this happened but they jumped back in when I was my most vulnerable, skyping frequently and, similar to the first set of times this happened, when I said no, they pretty much ignored it. They’d just come straight back with “if you were a good girl you’d [do x thing]” “cmon do it for me :3” “show me what a good girl you are :3” “don’t you like me?” etc 

I’ve experienced emotional and sexual abuse a lot in my life, especially as a young child so I find it difficult to stand up for myself in situations like this cos it’s been burned into my brain to just take things like this. Hard G did not know this, and maybe if they did, maybe it would have been different. Maybe if I was better at saying no, it would have been different. Because of my past with abuse, I find it difficult to say no, but I shouldn’t be using MY history to excuse THEIR actions, especially when I was only 15. I was a child and they are an adult who should have known better than to exploit a 15 year old for sexual gratification. 

I’m sorry to anyone who went through the same bullshit I did at the hands of Harry, I know that it’s in the double digits of people they abused and some of those are really close friends of mine. They were and probably still are a real scumbag. 


All of this YouTube abuse is being widely spoken about again today due to Eddplant uploading a video and Alex Day defending him in the comments and being, well, Alex Day about it and I feel ready to say something about my experience.

I was heavily involved with Harry Gilliatt (or Hard G, Zero Gilliatt, seaqueens bassist, however you knew them) for a long time, I’m going to say 2 years but I’m not sure if it was longer. We start talking online every day. I say talking, it was always a very sexually driven conversation.

We met for the first time at Tom Milsom’s Christmas gig (how apt), we were suppose to meet before the gig at my hotel room, but, that never happened.

After their relationship with a now friend of mine, Luke, had ended, they began perusing me. It was constant but I enjoyed the attention at first. They knew of my abusive past, and they knew I was in a very vulnerable place, and they played with that, they knew my weak points and how to control me. They made it so I felt like I could only talk to them, so I had no one else to turn to. I relied on them. They knew how to trigger me. They told me that they had been raped in the past and couldn’t used a condom because of it, whether this is true I don’t know. They would threaten harm on themselves to keep me tied. If I said I needed a break, I’d get a snapchat or a text the next night telling me they were hurting themselves because they were alone and that they needed me.

They forced me into an “open” relationship. This basically meant that they would sleep with whoever they wanted and if I got even slightly upset, they’d say “this is what you agreed to, stop being like this”, but when I so much as expressed interest in someone else they’d be crying and telling me how angry it made them, telling me they wanted to hurt themselves.

We spoke of moving in together, they were a big part of why I was moving to London, so we could be closer. 

I spent hundreds of pounds on travel visiting them, trying to stay close because I didn’t know of any other way to keep them happy than to sleep with them. I hoped that if I stayed with them as often as possible, maybe, just maybe, I’d be enough for them. But I never was.

After they posted about leaving the internet, they continued to contact me, asking me if I’d still be there for them. I said yes and I was in contact with them for a while, up until about 2 weeks ago when I realised that they hadn’t changed one bit, they were still trying to manipulate me.

I still like to think that there was maybe love, some genuine words that came out his mouth, but I’ll never know.

I always thought it was really off that he was still in contact with Edd, but of course I never questioned them. Now I understand, they’re the same breed. Disgusting, manipulative and abusive scum.


Alright I’ve been talking to lovely sasha (notsasha) and yeah I’m gonna tell you about the shit that hard g/harry gilliatt/zero/etc pulled. 

So I met them at a Tom Milsom show in October 2012 and started dating them on the 21st of december 2012 (according to this post). I obviously hadn’t known them long but whatever, we had fun and made a good team and everything was fine. 

After a while I noticed how possessive they could be, constantly texting me if I’d gone out or leaving me dozens of skype messages whenever I wasn’t online to talk to them. That properly annoyed me since I’m not about that whole business at all, but whenever I brought it up with them I couldn’t be 100% Serious because I didn’t want to upset them. 

That’s a pretty key thing, actually. Every time we spoke I was always walking on eggshells, tiptoeing around them so things would just be fine. I knew they’d had some horrible experiences in the past and we’d talked about it and I didn’t want to drag anything up from that time, yknow, because i try not to be an asshole. Not that I got the same kind of respect from them. 

Hard G knew from the off that I’ve been abused before they was in my life, and they knew all my hang ups and limits and yet consistently pushed them. They would ignore safe words and signals to stop if we were having sex, and then after claim they never heard them. They always used to apologise in that way that people sometimes do when they want to sort of one up you? Like instead of saying sorry and making some tea or something, they’d start on about how theyre trash and the worst person ever and they feel so bad oh my god please forgive. That pissed me off too but I never really mentioned it because I was just like ‘eh whatever fine its over im sure they didnt mean it’ 

They were always doing stuff like that. They were just totally incapable of accepting responsibility and saying sorry, even for little things that didn’t matter at all they’d make a huge fuss. 

Of course eventually this turned into threatening suicide and self harm if something didnt go their way or if I actually put my foot down about something, even if it was something that actually didn’t matter much at all? I think I was just trying to take some kind of control over this ridiculous relationship i’d landed myself in because when they were sweet they were lovely? I dunno. 

Anyway, I spent a significant part of my life bending over backwards to try and keep them happy despite it being a long distance relationship, and in the end it wasn’t worth it so I broke it off. I legit thought they would kill themselves that night just to spite me. 

Anyway I’m starting to shake pretty badly now so I’ve gotta stop here. Do what you want with this information I guess